tonight i had the longest chat with you, b. over the phone, i keep prompting myself to you, HOW MUCH LONGER CAN I ENDURE? after the bad news came from you. i seriously asked myself, how long can i really endure? can i really walk through this with you? can i do it? can i sleep soundly without waiting for your call/text? can i supress myself not to think about you? can i really wait till your book out day? can i ignore all these? can i dont look through those emails you sent to me? can i dont keep looking at my phone? CAN I? CAN I? CAN I? u returned me a question asking me, what will i do? i really dont know how to reply you. i know you are suffering inside, but im too. do you know that i had been shouldering all my problems and afraidness myself that i have no one to talk to. i told you before that i hate to wait. even waiting at the control station more than 5 hours is my maximum. be it waiting for you for more than 7 days, including waiting for the calls, getting insomnia. maybe is time for me not to think about you so much, and get my feet up to get my health back in pink and think of my future. i will put aside all your stuffs and prepare myself towards my goals and those unaccomplish stuffs.
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