had been knocking into friends these few days on the streets. didnt really talk much just a normal greeting HI.

lunch is quite interesting today. had lunch with assistant director, manager and assistant manager and myself. had quite an oily lunch. after eating, we chatted. the topic was kinda awkward. the theme is "SEX". talking about teenage sex and stuffs. i wasnt talking much, as i dont really know what to say. assistant director shoot me a question. "why are you so quiet?" i answered, i dont know what to say. after that question, i started talking and joined in.

workload is increasing. i had no time so slack. got to rush and finish it.

after work, went bugis to get the pair of shoes i always wanted to get it for quite sometimes. the first reaction i stepped into the shop is disappointment. the display doesnt have the colour i wanted anymore. the second colour to choose only left with one size. no choice got to take the one and only last colour which got the size. its GREEN in colour. i find it kinda hard to match my clothings. should had got it the first time i saw it. regrets.

did i really found the one?

you simply makes my day full with smiles, you simply know what i need, you simply knows what im thinking, u simply care, u simply can sense when im not alright.

its just simply YOU.

since morning, i had been feeling very emotional. doesnt know whether is it due to my outfit. im wearing all black today. cant really concentrate on my work at all. to be frank is not in the mood to work. i feel kind of shagged and my eyes could barely open. lunch was as per usual alone again. i had a weird feeling when i was lunching alone. dont even know why. had a few sticks of darling after lunch before going back. i was the last to leave the office but was the second one to reached. after lunch, was rushing the paperwork like hell. and was reprimanded by my in charge. i hold back my tears and swallowed down for the sake of the money. i only worked for 10 days and you couldnt expect me to know all the things as im still new to this area. i dont think i will extend the contract if you wanted to. i have to sort up my feelings and get back to my feet and life still have to go on.

im sorry to have breakdown this morning. its really pains my heart seeing you. i really cant bear you leaving us. when i see you for the last time, past memories just flashed past me. your cheerfulness, your laughter, your disturbing. i really couldnt do anything only tears rolling down. i hope that you are in good care.

I WILL MISS YOU!

i will try my very best to do what your brother mcvin had told me to.

p/s: aunt chella, uncle matthew and mcvin
YOU ALL HAVE TO BE STRONG AND LIFE HAS TO CARRY ON AS USUAL.
MCRON WILL BE IN GOOD CARE WITH HIS GOD.

i will always cherished the times with you deep in my heart although its only a small chapter in our life. although we only meet each other like special occasions, but we would still asked each other hows life going on and stuffs. you are always so caring and cheerful.

after this incident, i really grew up quite alot. we really have to cherish what we really have in life and not to neglect when the person is already not around.

lastly, i really appreciated my friends around me for the care and concern, but not those sacrastic caring. i really want to thank this person who had been seeing and listening to my nonsense these few days. i really want to thank you for accompanying me through those boring times. really appreciate. thank you.

is really heart broken to see you.

i really thought i could control myself but somehow i cant do it.

maybe what the pastor said is true, you are in good care with your God.

im sorry, but i cant really accept the fact that you are not with us.

is too sudden for me to really accept it.

vividly i seems to recall your laughter. the joy you always never failed to bring to us.

your similing face, your laughter, your disturbing and your caring.

i will never forget.

hope you are doing well in a place safe with your God.

im really touched by the speech from your brother and dad.

they really love you alot.

i really hope they can pull through this and carry on with life.

IN LOVING MEMORY.

I FINALLY HAVE A CLEAR PICTURE WHAT REALLY HAPPENED. THE FUCKER DRIVER HOPE U BETTER HAVE SOME REMORSE AND CONSCIENCE IN WHAT YOU HAVE DONE.

ITS ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT AND YOU TURN AROUND AND ACCUSED MC(initial) SPEEDING ON THE ROAD. YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED THE LORRY AND GET YOUR FUCKING SELF OUT OF THE LORRY AND HELPED HIM OUT BENEATH THE LORRY. INSTEAD OF DOING THAT, YOU FUCKING IDIOT KEPT DRIVING FOR 5M AND DRAGGED HIM IN BENEATH. DRIVING WITHOUT LICENSE OR YOU ARE MENTALLY MAD YOU FUCKING IDIOT.

I WISH HIS BROTHER COULD GIVE A HARD THRASHING.

OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES AND SEE WHAT YOU HAD DONE TO A 19 YEARS OLD GUY WITH SO MANY DREAMS THAT HE HAD NOT EVEN FUFILLED YET! I HOPE THE POLICE CAN PUT YOU THE FUCKING DRIVER TO JUSTICE AND SENTENCE YOU IMPRISON FOR LIFETIME. YOU WILL GET YOUR KARMA FOR DOING SUCH AN INCORRIGLBE ACT!

LIFE IS SO UNPREDICTABLE. EVERYTHING HAPPENED SO SUDDEN. I COULDNT BRING MYSELF TO ACCEPT THE FACT.

YOU WILL ALWAYS BE REMEMBERED. I STILL REMEMBERED THOSE DAYS WE USED TO RUN ABOUT, ESPECIALLY BUYING CHOCOLATES AND HAVING LOTS OF FOODS, PLAYING ARCADE AND THE ONE I WILL NOT FORGET THAT WILL BE THE FIRST TIME I WENT TO ESCAPE WITH YOU. YOU TRICKED ME INTO PLAYING THE WET WET WILD. WAS THINKING OF PLAYING THE SHORTER SLIDE. BUT IN THE END WE PLAYED THROUGH BOTH SHORT AND LONG SLIDE. WE HAD SUCH AN ENJOYABLE DAY THERE. ITS SO GOOD TO BE YOUNG AND WE ARE ALWAYS IN OUR PARENTS CARE. AFTER THAT VERY LAST TIME, WE SEEMED TO HAVE DISTANCE FOR QUITE AWHILE. BUT YOU WILL ALWAYS APPROACHED ME AND TALKED TO ME FIRST. THATS HOW WE LINKED OUR WAY BACK. WE ALWAYS TALK ABOUT NONSENSE THINGS AND STUFFS. BUT WE SEEMED LIKE WE FAILED TO DID THOSE THINGS WE SAID. THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU WAS THE BARBECUE PARTY HELD AT YOUR PLACE. YOU NEVER FAILED TO WASTE ANY FOOD AND ALWAYS JOKE AROUND WITH YOUR JOVIAL SMILE. ALWAYS FIND TOPICS TO TALK TO EVERYONE AND MAKE EVERYONE SMILE.

YOU NEVER FAILED TO HELP ME HIDE MY SECRETS. YOU WILL ALWAYS KEEP MY SECRET WITH YOURSELF. THANKS. I DONT KNOW WHY IM SO EMOTIONAL EVEN WRITING THIS POST MY TEARS SEEMS UNCONTROLLABLE ROLLING DOWN. I JUST WANT TO LET YOU KNOW YOU WILL ALWAYS BE REMEMBERED.

MY DEAR COUSIN, WHO I CAN TALK TO WITH LOTS OF NONSENSE STUFFS.

15 OCTOBER 2008

IN LOVING MEMORY

MCRON LOW

im on mc today. couldnt get to sleep or get some rest. the heavy rain woke me up first, follow up with the non stop drilling, then my office called. had to go back to work no matter how sick am i.

i really dont understand what i myself is doing.

simply dont.

i had decided to forget you.

but im like lingering on and on.

my mind had been flashing through scenes when we were outside hilton haggen daz.

can i be more heartless and get on with it?

you had it put up so clearly and im still holding on.

i feel like a COMPLETE HOPELESS IDIOT FAILURE ASS.

you will not look back and maybe im still putting some hope onto it.

just forget it and get on with life.

VANESSA, U CAN DO IT!

im so sick the whole day. fever and bad flu. wasnt concentrating on my work at all. keep blowing and pinching my nose. after lunching alone again, went to run an errand for asst manager. went under the hot sun looking for health promotion board at outram. the place is so hard to find. the things are so heavy and i took a train back. back in the office, i felt my body burning. my forehead is burning hot. i was feeling so uncomfortable as the aircon is so strong and i had to endure 2 more hours to knock off. on the way back home, i saw my ex-colleague from G2000 taking the same bus. chatted with her on the way back on bus. surprised to see her on the same bus.

im really very tired of all things.

just want to lead my life as carefree as it is.

i will turn love into hatred.

i will use all my might to hate you, just you.

today, reached working place had darling, saw my director. i was so shocked and unlucky. work is as per normal, boring. went lunch with both asst manager with both the same name but different department. they started talking about kids which is not my topic. kept silent listening to their conversation. we had burmurese food for lunch. the set lunch is so worth. will try it again next time. after lunch had a kinda long chat with asst manager. told her about my previous job experience and stuffs. her advise was good. hope to dine lunch with her more often. went off at 6.05pm, saw director again and with my darling on. im so unlucky. reached ang mo kio around 6.40pm. went to get my shampoo. walked down to ang mo kio hub. saw a fight going on outside macdonald. I WAS SO KIND OF IDIOT. walk in between the fight and no one dares to walk over. im the damn idiot one who dares to walk over. bought fries and apple pies home. bused home and the journey was long.

tears seems uncontrollable rolling down my cheeks when im listening my ipod songs. i really hate myself behaving like that. just simply hate it.

i have to be strong in all ways.

i have to deal with all hurdles alone.

i have decided to do it this way.

sorry, for being so childish in a way to stop all unneccessary thoughts.

i have to let it go slowly, to prevent my heart with so much misery.

i really wish i could stop all misery.

maybe its all a mistake right from the start.

maybe somehow if i cant let go, i will pretend nothing happened.

seriously i have been holding on to a non predestined for too long.

what really meant to be mine will eventually be mine.

theres no use lingering on if it isnt meant to be yours.

but maybe its only my part of wishful thinking.

I HAVE TO BE STRONG AND TEARS NO MORE!

just a simple text from you, makes me smile throughout the day even though how hard my day is.

just a smile from you, makes my heart melts.

just a simple care from you, makes me feel blissful.

there wont be anymore of it from you ever again i supposed.

i will smile through even though theres no text from you.

i will keep your smile deep beneath my heart.

i will feel blissful when you are in good care.

finding back my smile no matter how hard it is.

can time be pass faster. i really cant take anymore. please.

i really can sense the feeling once again.

getting used again. stand in.

is totally understandable.

i understand. truely understand. absolutely understandable.

so its time ?

i really hate the feeling of getting used.

please dont tell me anymore of it.

just simply leave me alone and forget it completely and start my life afresh.

i admit i still have ******* but i dont seems to sense it anymore.

MY LIFE IS SO MESSED UP!

I DONT REALLY KNOW WHAT TO DO?

I REALLY HAVE TO GIVE UP ALOT OF THINGS!

MUST IT REALLY BE LIKE THIS!

WHY IS IT ALWAYS MAKING FUN OF ME!

I HAD ENOUGH OF IT.

JUST SIMPLY STOP IT.

YOU! YOU! AND YOU!

im down! what can i do? i dread going to work. workload is increasing, no contact with colleagues, always alone. its so frustating. i kept dozing off as the routine for the tasks is always the same. i still have about a month more to complete the contract. and it ends one day before my 20th birthday. wish that time can pass faster.

my mind had been flashing through lots of thoughts when im on the way to work. it seems like somehow somethings werent that easy though. someone's happy, someone's sad. im the sad one here. u were given a chance, but do i ? none for me. i was thinking although it wasnt meant to be, but somehow i wish i maybe given a chance. i knew there wont be having "again" in my world.

im sick.

had been feeling kind of moody when im getting my feet up to work. couldnt sleep the whole night through. feeling very tired when im on my way to work. reached office, started with my documents and faced the monitor for 4 hrs continously. the aircon is so cold and had made me sneezed non stop. after lunching with xiaohui, im down with flu and i cant stop sneezing. gastric acted up once again. had been feeling very restless at work after lunch. i left at around 6.15pm went over to boat quay and had drinks and spent almost 40 bucks there alone.

happy meet up.

im happy today. had a meet up with my buddy buddy, esther and eva. we had mocha frappe at mcCafe. chat chitting session started. eva left after an hour. left with esther and me. both of us chatted almost 3 hours in mac. went for darling session again. im so sorry. (the both of u have to offer me.) walk around amk hub with esther, bought a pair of black pants in giodano which i didnt get it in suntec outlet. shop around looking at formal shirt and bottom. went to fairprice xtra to get hangers as my closet is running out of hangers to hang my tops. had a darling with esther before going back home. thanks esther (for the darling). im so bad, made esther walk to the opposite bus stop(as im walking the same way to another bus stop) and she missed the bus. im sorry.

KEEP IN CONTACT. I WILL MISS YOU BOTH. MEET UP SOON.

THANKS EVA FOR THE TAI YANG BIN AND THE BAG FROM TAIWAN, TAIPEI.

WORK IS SO BORED! CANNOT STAND IT!! SITTING INFRONT OF THE COMPUTER AND TYPE NON STOP, DOING PAPER WORK!!!

THIS IS REALLY THE TIME TO LET GO OF THE UNNECESSARY THOUGHT.

READY TO LET GO?

I HOPE SO.

EMO-ING THE WHOLE DAY.

Tomorrow is the first day of work to a new working environment. hope everything goes well.

i doesnt want any unneccessary thoughts going through my mind anymore. this should be the end of it.

seriously, there isnt any difference. the outcome will still remain the same.

i doesnt want to fall into the same situation again. is TORMENTING.

all those moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain.

I Cant Let My Heart Have So Much Misery.