Tuesday, September 30, 2008

NAIVE!

I DOESNT REALLY KNOW WHAT IM DOING! ITS ALREADY OFF WAY TRACK. WHAT AM I DOING? WHAT AM I DOING? WHAT AM I DOING?

IS MAKING ME NUTS. IM SO WRONG! THERE WILL BE NO OUTCOME BUT IM STILL HANGING ON!


I WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS MISERY!

I DONT WANT TO SUPPRESS MYSELF ANYMORE.

I WANT TO LEAVE THIS THING FAR AWAY FROM ME!

I DONT WANT TO HAVE THINGS LINGERING ON ANYMORE. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. I REALLY CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE. I HATE MY FAKE SMILES, FAKE LAUGHS AND FAKE MOODS.

I REALLY HATE MYSELF BEHAVING THIS WAY!

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!

ALONE ALONE ALONE!

Saturday, September 27, 2008

im really tired. why do i have to go through so much hurdles in order to get something? is this predestined? or is it just to make a fool out of me? i really had enough of it! its turning me nuts!
why cant things remain as the same? why does it have to change? i really dont wish to think about it. im not in a position to make any decision. im SORRY.

MAYBE I MYSELF DOESNT EVEN REALLY KNOWS WHAT I REALLY WANTS.
PHERHAPS SOMEDAYS...
im too persistent on it.

maybe its time to let go. no use holding on if theres no return.

"LETTING GO DOESNT MEANS GIVING UP, ITS MEANS THAT SOMEHOW SOMETHING WERENT MEANT TO BE."

Friday, September 26, 2008

我想我习惯了忽略
去忽略没你的时间
不近不远走在谁身边
我想我适应了一切
原来是我 在爱上你的那瞬间
就困在围墙里面
谁都以为不听不看 也就没感觉
一转身 才发现 空气里面
依旧飘散着记忆的气味
IS KILLING ME! I REALLY DOESNT WISH TO MAKE ANY DECISION! JUST TAKE IT THAT IM SELFISH OR HEARTLESS! IM REALLY SORRY! IM NOT WORTH WAITING!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

im feeling exhausted of the walking from raffles place to boat quay to clarke quay then chinatown. but in between had a cup of milk tea from mian le wu. had been thinking alot when im bus-ing back to ang mo kio. the most important thing i need to do is earn more money. to obtain my goal in 3 years or more. WAY TO GO!!! VANESSA POON JIAYI!!!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

THANKS GUYS FOR THE WISHES.

was selected after 3 mins of interview. was so happy that i dont need to go for other interviews. strike at the first one. had to sign my contract tomorrow in the afternoon at raffles. lazy to go but still have to force myself to go. as it will be the income for my future studies. finally i can use my own abilities back to studies. but somehow i think i will spent all the salary and without any penny left.
THANKS GUYS FOR THE WISHES. LOVE YOU ALL LOTS.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

woke up around 6 plus this morning. mum is back from her trip. the first thing she showed me was the LV wallet. i was so angry because she didnt buy the one i wanted. but the wallet wasnt for me. kinda down. preparing to go for my interview at raffles place. went out at around 10am and reached the place at around 10.50am. had to write down my particulars and waited for the interview. the interview ended faster than expected. had received lots of calls asking for an interview. tomorrow have to go to HILL STREET for an interview. doesnt even know where the place is. the interview is scheduled at 4pm. is so late. i hate interview scheduled at such timing. thursday interview is a better one, is located at ang mo kio. is kinda near to my house. interview is scheduled at 9am. is better and i can slack after the interview as i have to start work in october if possible i am employed. came home around 5 plus mum said that i can have the LV wallet. is better than nothing, although compared to the one i always wanted. these few days had been feeling nausea when i see food. dont even know what happened to me either.
i wish i can have my memories erased! i dont want my mind to flash through images that i dont want to. is so MADDENING! i simply hate it. or can someone brainwash me so that i wont feel so miserable. SOMEONE HELP!

GOOD LUCK FOR MY INTERVIEW TOMORROW!

Monday, September 22, 2008

lost and empty.

had been feeling empty and lost since morning. seems like a wandering soul. i really doesnt know what to do. with my LIFE and FUTURE. i dont see much future from here. had been struggling for days what to do. but somehow i dont seems to find an answer. life had been quite meaningless to me since months ago. cant seems to find a goal in life. had been job hopping here and there. i really doesnt know what should i be doing WORKING or STUDYING? study needs money, money comes from the income of working. is so VEXED! im turning NUTS sooner or later. cant really find someone to pour my problems to. can only pour my problems to this BLOG!
LOST AND EMPTY!
had been informed to go for an interview tomorrow at raffles place. i seems to have lazy bones growing in me just a few days of slacking. when i was on the phone with the person asking me to go for an interview, i had been pushing away and giving excuses to start on OCTOBER. i really dont know whats got into me. just feeling kind of laziness in me.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

terrible gastric ever.

having terrible gastric ever. is so freaking painful. cant really endure with the pain anymore. wish i can open up and take away the pain.
GASTRIC GET AWAY FROM ME!
yesterday, went bishan with sis. the first thing i did was went into G2000. i saw a pink label dress on the manequin placed at the front of the glass panel. i went to look at the display piece. although its a simple cut dress and it caught my attention. i was thinking of getting it straight away as sis said its kinda troublesome to bring the dress walking here and there as we were there for lunch buffet at sakae. went dining in sakae, didnt really ate much though. was there chatting instead of eating. went off after an hour. went back to G2ooo for the dress. the price was $89. it was quite expensive. went to try it on, the size i wanted had no more stocks. took a size bigger instead. walked around and went indulging my darling. half way through received eva call, after i hung up i saw my elbow had drops of stains like soya sauce. it was so gross. i was screaming and wailing there. luckily there isnt many people. sis wiped it off while i checked my shirt and bag. the most frustrated part was the drops stained my hair and shirt too. it was so sticky and had dripped out of nowhere. trained back to amk meet up with eva. walked around and had our darlings. it was a nice one. bused home.
woke up at 6.15am went for morning jog. have been a long time since i went for a jog after the incident. had two rounds, i felt kinda out of breath and running out of stamina. is it the cause of indulging too much of drinks and darling? i think it should be the case. took a nap after washing up. after waking up from two hours of sleep, having terrible headache and gastric. HOW CAN I GO OUT IN THIS STATE? supposed to go to two invites. the only thing i can do now is STAY AT HOME AND ROT! SORRY JIAWEI AND JUNWEI!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

feeling kinda down at this point writing this post. past memories flashed through my mind. keep suppressing myself not to think anything about it, but somehow i could not do it. i wished to bury the happy memories deep in my heart, but i still cant really bring myself to do it. why is there so many ups and down since 2008 started? nothing seems to be going smoothly for me! i had enough!
TAKE ME AWAY FROM MISERY. ANYONE PLEASE?

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

IT SAYS IT ALL.

很感激 这城市拥挤的交通
让你我 还能多相处几分钟人潮中
怕失散所以轻轻拉你的手
一刻不放松 不放松
忍不住 想要爱你的冲动
不确定你属于我 会有点寂寞
你给的幸福 在我心中自由走动
抚平我每一个伤口
忍不住 想要吻你的冲动
你给的幸福 在我心中自由走动
抚平我每一个伤口
忍不住 想要吻你的冲动
不确定我的执着 能让你感动
我只能相信自己感受 不怕失落
关于你的一切 我想要比谁都懂
我的心 是被你设定的闹钟
提醒我 想你的时间不够用
为什么 平淡的事情现在忽然生动
是你改变我 你改变
忍不住 想要爱你的冲动
不确定你属于我 会有点寂寞
你给的幸福 在我心中自由走动
抚平我每一个伤口
忍不住 想要吻你的冲动
不确定我的执着 能让你感动
我只能相信自己感受 不怕失落关
于你的一切 我想要比谁都懂
你是情人还是朋友
还没勇气想得太多
你的世界如此辽阔
忍不住 想要爱你的冲动
不确定你属于我 会有点寂寞
你给的幸福 在我心中自由走动
抚平我每一个伤口
忍不住想要吻你的冲动
不确定我的执着 能让你感动
我只能相信自己感受 不怕失落
关于你的一切 我想要比谁都懂

mummy enjoy your trip.

woke up early in the morning at 4.20am. dad and i accompanied mum to the airport. mum is going to macau and some other places. waited for mum tour mates at the airport. the check in for the boarding is kinda long. we waited at the cafe and i was yawning throughout. mum had breakfast before boarding. she shared her breakfast with dad. afraid she will be hungry on board, i bought her muffins. wonder did she eat it. after mum went in, dad and i took the shutter to terminal 2. bused back to ang mo kio. went to pay my bills. it was so expensive, was still wondering how i used my mobile. treated dad brunch. we were so full after eating. had been home since 11 plus slacking till now.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

ALL THE BEST EVERYONE. U WILL BE MISSED.

monday morning, was in a hurry to work. i was so late. i doesnt want to be late for my last day. had a tripped and fell against the stairs of the bridge as the shoes is too slippery. had some scratches. reached office at around 8.50am. was 10 mins early. saw eva standing there, she said i walked like an AH LIAN while crossing the road. as my bag was sling and the colour blended with the top im wearing she thought it was my last day i was so carefree without my bag. as usual indulging my darling till 9am on the dot then i went up. had lunch around 1pm. went back to work like a cow as i had to hand over my stuffs and labelled them properly.

after work which was around 6 plus, we went to meet lily for prata before heading to the pub. we had naan, matubak and esther had prata. after dinner we went to the pub located near our workplace. had a game of pool with sharon. SHE WON. i felt so rusty without playing pool for around two years. took pictures with the group of ex colleagues as sharon had to leave. we ordered jugs of beers continuously. eva, esther, irene and lily went to pick some songs and sang for us. about 3 hours had passed, irene seems to be abit drunk. she went around hugging us and she told me some very touching words that make me wanted to cry out. she made me danced with her. esther eva and i went so high, as we cant stop laughing. had been laughing continuously. i sang a couple of songs with esther. the most unforgettable song is PENG YOU, sang with eva and sally. had some photo session with them, we seems like we are either sober or drunk. we have marble cake as our farewell celebration with a candle on it. esther and me were made to blow the candle and drink (bottoms up). i went around feeding them the cake and they ate it without rejecting my offer. eva dared us to eat the piece on her mouth. one of the gals bite it and i accidentally touch eva's lips when biting it. it was so gross but was fun. irene was hugging me and esther giving us her wishings and blessings, and i was shocked when she kissed me on my cheek. after eating they sang us songs for farewell. eva, esther and i had to finished the last two jugs of beer. we are about 80% drunk and 20% sober. we cant walk in a very straight line. while we were waiting for cab, we were shouting and laughing like nobody businesses. took cab back around 2 plus midnight and was charged for midnight charge. i really enjoyed myself last night. I REALLY ENJOYED MY DAYS WITH YOU ALL, FUN LOVING GIRLS! WILL MISS YOU ALL DEARLY! LOVES!

im missing you all lots.

IM DEAD DRUNK WRITING THIS POST!

Sunday, September 14, 2008

IS A LONG TIME SINCE UPDATE!

Its been a long time since i update my blog. had changed the link address to another. edited and deleted some posts. might have some difference.

tmr is the last day in the company. WILL MISS THOSE FUN LOVING COLLEAGUES!
have to find a new job to survive. STRESS! i wish to go back to study with my own abilities. but the course fees is so steep. how long do i have to work to go back to my further studies? IS STILL A QUESTION MARK!

so many QUESTIONS MARKS going round my mind. NOTHING SEEMS TO BRING THE ISSUE OUT OF MY MIND!